While waiting for the bus to arrive, I was standing close by the tallest building I have known all my life so far, the Burj Khalifa. This structure never fail to amaze me whenever I gaze its beauty. Isn’t she a fine work of art?
I have had these lingering thoughts in my head which helped me pen quickly this post while waiting. Of course, I needed to polish this piece afterwards to make it readable, at least acceptable for this page and for you.
Moving on…my take on 2017 is no different from those who practice self-reflection every time the new year opens—the losses, the tears, the fun and the adventures, the mistakes and the failures along with the lessons. There is nothing shameful about this practice. It is but normal to regress because we are who we are– humans who feel the complexities of life.
It is true that last days effect intensifies rapidly, there is no doubt about it. It will progress for sure but so does the promise of hope. From losing a loved one to economic meltdown, the year 2017 had given me so many reasons to bend my knees, reasons I never thought I would contemplate sooner than expected. It was also the year when everyone in my circle has exposed their truest colours because let us face the truth here, we always use our measuring devices in gauging people as to how far they would go with or against you in our journey. We measure people who matter because we want them to complement us in any possible way and vice versa.
We do know that the cycle of life is constant, that because we are made of dust, to dust we return. Yet, why is it the sting of death makes us vulnerable, to the extent of losing our sanity? Despite the hope of resurrection, we still cling on to the pain, at times, could not really recuperate? Is it really the loss we are mourning about or our own personal regrets that is keeping us numbed about the life ahead?
I have asked myself the “whys” on numerous occasions. I disliked the idea that regret is keeping me sidelined from the people I care deeply, from everything because the living chose to play dead and give you the coldest shoulder ever. I too have mourned; I too have lost a loved one. Why is it I always get the passé treatment? What have I done wrong?
Her words still echo in my mind.
“Regret is a silent killer…never allow your life to live within its bounds. Test the waters, try new adventures. Fail and learn but make sure to stand up and forgive yourself for your failures. In that way, you will know how life works.”
If she were here, she would yank and would say, “Always move forward.” Yes, she was right.
There is a time for everything; mourning is one of those moments. Moreover, there is also a time to realization that we need to live despite the difficulties; we need to love amidst the apathy of others. It is time to let go and move forward. The sooner you get the message, the sooner you will save your very soul from just breathing and not really living.
Quit and live
I learned this lesson the hard way because I am a strong believer of the power of kindness—when you give, expect nothing in return. It is non-negotiable.
Abusive people are like leeches, they will suck all your energy until you are left with nothing. Yes, I have heard hundreds of emotional blackmail, experienced giving in to abusive people without realizing their scheming manifestos. Was it because I was too passive and naïve for their machinations?
These people are those who I never thought, have the nerve to hurt me in their lifetime. Look where giving and trusting has led me to. Hard lesson learned, painful and the stakes were high. Indeed, I have come to a point where I second-guess myself for caring too much.
The realization took me hostage for months. I have become sadder by the day, exhausted trying to justify their acts, until I can no longer reason against myself. Yes, if quitting is a weakness, for now, I will accept it and go on with my life. It is high time to leave selfish people behind because I needed to quit this rat race. Difficult, but it is doable.
Some people will break you at one point. They will test your loyalty; they will break your spirit just to get even or get ahead of you. They will play the advocates and pretend they care deeply about you. They will gain your trust and offer their assistance. But where will they be when you truly need them?
True enough, without a strong support system, desperation can break you big time. The chance of losing self-respect is possible when you are at the end of your rope. I am sure you have had the same experience or might have heard someone shared such a story, but yes, I have those moments myself.
If you are not the cause of the problem, be a part of the solution. Yes, I have gone through a deep coma with naysayers who, with their sweetest tongues of promises, left me frustrated all throughout the process. I almost broke my spirit if not for an extensive reflection of some sort. In the end, I have come to accept the fact that I may have lost some people in my life but my self-respect is not going anywhere. If I want to free myself from bigotry, I will need to fight for it. It is a gradual process but sure, I know it will work.
Letting go remains an art
They say that you have nothing to lose when you are all alone, just by yourself. Going through hardships can either break or make you. This road called “hardship” was never an easy path to walk through. In fact, some may lose their clear sights along the way, some would just give in because they were too exhausted to carry on. We stood our grounds, we survived 2017 and all its uncertainties.
Time may have weathered and tested our patience but we are still standing, enduring the adversities. And no matter how intense the challenges are, there would always be a blink of hope for everything. Trust yourself and have faith that He will never abandon you. You will feel pain at some point but realise that that is really a part of the process. It is a matter of choosing what and who to let go.
Remember, we are worth than just a daily dose of fake smile, of false promises. We are not the second class citizens who must remain in the sideline just because somebody always regard himself higher than you. Would you act to claim happiness this year given the circumstances? I just did.